[ PDF / Epub ] ☃ You Are Sloth! Author Steve Lowe – Capitalsoftworks.co.uk

You Are Sloth! Why You Are Sloth Because Fuck You Is Why HAHAHAHAHA That S The Last Response You Got From The Spammer, Who S Developed An Insidious Computer Virus That Transforms People Into Their Power Animals You Never Should Have Opened That Email From The Philippino Sherriff S Attach To East Berlin So Many Missed Warning Signs There, But You Were Drunk Last Night Things Have Been Rough Lately You Can T Pay Your Rent, Your Neighbors Are Annoying, You Keep Getting Strange Calls From Horny Guys With Unique And Unsettling Fetishes, You Re Way Behind With Work, And Your Computer Is Suddenly Crapping Out On You And Now You Re A Goddamn Sloth Nice Going, Genius But There S At Play Here Than Simple Animal Hijinks You Ve Been Added To The Homeland Security Terror Watch List, And The Cops Want To Question You About The Mysterious Disappearances Of Several Gay Men, Who All Seem To Have Called Your Phone Just Before They Vanished Not Only Has This Spammer Fuck Turned You Into A Sloth, He S Framed Your Slow Ass, Too You Ve Had Enough Of This Shit With The Help Of Your Neighbors, Cross The Asshole And Randy The Retard, You Form The SLOTH SQUAD It S Time To Track That Spammer Down And Reap Some Three Toed Vengeance On His AssYou Are Sloth

10 thoughts on “You Are Sloth!

  1. says:

    YOU ARE SLOTH this is a bizarro title, so it s got all the bad taste elements you expect from the brand a playground style dismissal of political correctness where words like retard and fag are gleefully tossed around, new lows in sexual fetishism, a casual treatment of roofie enabled date rape, people transformed into their spirit animals, buck naked fuck mercenaries, and death by bukkake it s silly and crass, but it s also great fun, as long as you re not put off by some cussing an YOU ARE SLOTH this is a bizarro title, so it s got all the bad taste elements you expect from the brand a playground style dismissal of political correctness where words like retard and fag are gleefully tossed around, new lows in sexual fetishism, a casual treatment of roofie enabled date rape, people transformed into their spirit animals, buck naked fuck mercenaries, and death by bukkake it s silly and crass, but it s also great fun, as long as you re not put off by some cussing and bad behavior.and if you are, well i got this for you sloths slow, bad news.you will learn nothing about sloths from this book, but you will get to read about one riding a dog to victory and that s not nothing AND it s skinny enough that you can use it as a bookmark for other books so, what are you waiting for sloth it up view spoiler although it s not technically death by bukkake, is it, cross or even bukkake at all just because it s a massacre drenched in milky fluid where a mutilated body twitches in the middle of a puddle of blood and gallons of thick cum, bukkake is real specific in its mechanics this islike death by gay zombie rape which doesn t sound as funny, but is wayprecise hide spoiler come to my blog

  2. says:

    You click on a spam email and wake up a sloth after an all night bender When people start acting strangely, you team up with Randy the Retard and Cross the Asshole, your friends neighbors, and start getting to the bottom of things Can you save the city You are Sloth is a tale of spammers, brainwashing, and drunken debauchery, told in the second person point of view by you, the hapless apartment dweller transformed into a sloth It s kind of like Kafka s the Metamorphosis, only instead of bein You click on a spam email and wake up a sloth after an all night bender When people start acting strangely, you team up with Randy the Retard and Cross the Asshole, your friends neighbors, and start getting to the bottom of things Can you save the city You are Sloth is a tale of spammers, brainwashing, and drunken debauchery, told in the second person point of view by you, the hapless apartment dweller transformed into a sloth It s kind of like Kafka s the Metamorphosis, only instead of being transformed into insectoid vermin, you re transformed into a sloth, and instead of being an exploration of the alienation and isolation, it s a collection of dick jokes Okay, so it s not very much like The Metamorphosis but it is pretty entertaining.Steve Lowe delivers the chuckles in this slim book While the situations are funny, dialogue is Steve Lowe s forte Sloth, Randy, and Cross all have great dialogue that sounds like it s out of a Judd Apatow movie The spammer s broken English is really authentic if you ve every opened one of their ineptly crafted missives.So yeah, I enjoyed it but I didn t enjoy the shit out it It wore a little thin after a while and the ending went a little long Other than that, it was a fun read How many books have you read that have the phrase death by bukkake in them 3.5 out of 5 stars

  3. says:

    Power Animal is not meant to inspire you to be something you are not Power Animal is a mirror to reflect what you really are.And YOU YOU Are Sloth Eee aye, eee aye, uh oh YOU are cuddly and adorable and soon your friends will be wanting to use YOU as a chick magnet.YOU and your pals will form an elite fighting squad to take down an insidious spammer.YOU will enjoy this sweet morality play about learning to accept yourselfand bukkake Power Animal is not meant to inspire you to be something you are not Power Animal is a mirror to reflect what you really are.And YOU YOU Are Sloth Eee aye, eee aye, uh oh YOU are cuddly and adorable and soon your friends will be wanting to use YOU as a chick magnet.YOU and your pals will form an elite fighting squad to take down an insidious spammer.YOU will enjoy this sweet morality play about learning to accept yourselfand bukkake

  4. says:

    Remember that spam email you received promising to share millions of dollars if you d just share your bank account with the spouse of some crooked African dictator How about the one where some gorgeous Russian girl with a vocabulary south of the bimbo mark begs you for the pleasure of calling her 900 number Or what about the one threatening absolute catastrophe if you don t immediately forward the message to 20 of your closest friends If you ve ever had even a passing thought of opening one Remember that spam email you received promising to share millions of dollars if you d just share your bank account with the spouse of some crooked African dictator How about the one where some gorgeous Russian girl with a vocabulary south of the bimbo mark begs you for the pleasure of calling her 900 number Or what about the one threatening absolute catastrophe if you don t immediately forward the message to 20 of your closest friends If you ve ever had even a passing thought of opening one of those ticking e bombs, Steve Lowe has a word of caution for youWhy you are sloth Because fuck you is why HAHAHAHAHA 1 It is with that pithy, English as a third language, taunt that everything begins going wrong for the reader because, as the title suggests, YOU are the protagonist Magically transformed into an honest to gosh sloth, complete with yellow claws, a furry back, and an extraordinary long tongue, you re left to play everything from cute wingman, to furry target of gay men s affections, to vengeance seeking superhero This is one rude, crude, and lewd adventure, filled with ridiculous toilet humor, the worst kind of gay stereotypes, and a rather piss poor opinion of humanity It s also wildly imaginative, very funny, and even pithy and insightful, provided you can allow yourself to see through the Bizarro spectacle.Lowe is definitely one of theaccessible authors of the genre, somebody who gives as much attention to telling a story as to exploring the surreal His narrative is simple and free flowing, without playing any sort of literary tricks to confuse or amuse In addition, his characters actually have a personality, and develop through the course of the story His story is deliberately offensive in many ways, but as a caricature or over the top parody, never as a mean spirited attack There are some Bizarro titles I skim through for scenes that catch my eye, and others that I read cover to coverLowe is definitely one of the latter, and a gentleman I need to readof Originally reviewed at Beauty in Ruins

  5. says:

    I wasn t sure what to expect when I opened this book I ve read Muscle Memory by Lowe so I knew there were going to be some funny parts, but I didn t think I d be cracking up almost every other page.Lowe did a great job with the characters in this book The dialogue between these three guys is hilarious I feel like I ve had many of these same conversations with my best friends They are exaggerated in the book of course but you catch my drift In short, although this is a bizarro novella, and I wasn t sure what to expect when I opened this book I ve read Muscle Memory by Lowe so I knew there were going to be some funny parts, but I didn t think I d be cracking up almost every other page.Lowe did a great job with the characters in this book The dialogue between these three guys is hilarious I feel like I ve had many of these same conversations with my best friends They are exaggerated in the book of course but you catch my drift In short, although this is a bizarro novella, and the plot transcends any realm of reality, I really connected with it due to the characters I know these guys We went to high school together and skipped class to drink in my garage I went to the bar with these guys to pick up chicks I ve been around these dudes my whole life

  6. says:

    YOU ARE SLOTH by Steve Lowe could very well be the most unique hit of 2013 Lowe manages to tell a very captivating tale of man turned into a Sloth, and that man is YOU Duh Not only is Lowe able to tell a fast paced story based on the world s slowest animal I did not fact check that but he does it in the seldom used 2nd person point of view It all comes together in a story of hackers and terrorists and assholes.At it s heart, YOU ARE SLOTH is a whodunnit Yet, without the fast paced plot, YOU ARE SLOTH by Steve Lowe could very well be the most unique hit of 2013 Lowe manages to tell a very captivating tale of man turned into a Sloth, and that man is YOU Duh Not only is Lowe able to tell a fast paced story based on the world s slowest animal I did not fact check that but he does it in the seldom used 2nd person point of view It all comes together in a story of hackers and terrorists and assholes.At it s heart, YOU ARE SLOTH is a whodunnit Yet, without the fast paced plot, the characters really drive this story and keep you glued to the pages The sloth, you, is fun to get to know seeing how you adapt from being human you whole life then suddenly adapting to the life of a sloth To help hinder that process are the sloth s you friends, an asshole and a retard That is where another great part of the story comes in It s hilarious every bit as much as captivating The humor can be off color tosensitive folks, but if you re that sensitive you shouldn t be even mildly interested in this type of book anyway There are plenty of jabs at pop culture and modern technology as well that helps to keep everything fresh and interesting.I wasn t sure exactly what to expect from YOU ARE SLOTH Was it going to be some silly story jumping on the Sloth Meme bandwagon Was it going to be a completely off the wall bizarro tale that would be difficult to follow Was it going to be a boring story about a boring sloth that goes absolutely nowhere The answer is none of the above This is action, adventure, thrills and laughs all rolled into on of the best stories you are going to read in awhile

  7. says:

    You Are Sloth by Steve LoweThis was a beta read I was given in exchange for my honest opinion What happens when you can t come up with the rent money It begins a game of who do I have to screw to get by this month And if that don t work, go back to being your lazy self Go do your job, and review the book you are supposed to be going over Maybe all this self help non sense spewing out of some want to be guru s mouth, will help you.So we all gotten those crazy emails, telling us we ve won You Are Sloth by Steve LoweThis was a beta read I was given in exchange for my honest opinion What happens when you can t come up with the rent money It begins a game of who do I have to screw to get by this month And if that don t work, go back to being your lazy self Go do your job, and review the book you are supposed to be going over Maybe all this self help non sense spewing out of some want to be guru s mouth, will help you.So we all gotten those crazy emails, telling us we ve won all this money, or so in so is trying to hook up with you, or work at home and get rich, and we know not to open them Most likely they will contain viruses or be phishing emails, trying to steal your info Nothing good can come of it You know better Now when you think what the hell and open it anyways, deal with it You are sloth, comes up on screen What does that mean Be prepared to find out, because this virus is so bad, it changes you into a sloth, just from reading the screen But this isn t your only problem You now have to rely on you idiot neighbor who knows nothing, and your egomaniac neighbor, who thinks he s Gods gift to the world, to save your sorry sloth ass Stumbling around, Edward Scissor Handing everything, with your three toes and yellow nails What do you learn as a sloth you are a cheaper drunk chicks dig animals you re a real life furry use that to get laid no one is your es you can still get on Homeland Securities watch list you are a super hero, leading the Sloth Squad in a crusade against gay men who like fuzzy animals when someone says every hole, it might really mean every single hole So sit back and enjoy the slow ride It s going to be a long one, which will only get weirder This book had me laughing throughout with its rude, crude, and lewd behavior Just when you think it can t get any better, he goes off and says something else to leave me shaking my head Thanks to the author for sharing all the madness with me So, Stop Having the Lazy and Buy You Are Sloth Day on July 18

  8. says:

    RE READ UPDATE So, I don t have muchto say that I haven t already said before about this book Except you can STOP having the lazy, since that promo is over Okay, for starters, everyone needs to wait until July 18th to purchase this book The author is trying to reachs top seller list, even if just for a day So I m super conflicted here.I definitely highly recommend this book to every fucking one of you This is yet another totally badass book by an even badder asse RE READ UPDATE So, I don t have muchto say that I haven t already said before about this book Except you can STOP having the lazy, since that promo is over Okay, for starters, everyone needs to wait until July 18th to purchase this book The author is trying to reachs top seller list, even if just for a day So I m super conflicted here.I definitely highly recommend this book to every fucking one of you This is yet another totally badass book by an even badder asser writer My love affair with Steve Lowe or at least his books began the minute I finished Muscle Memory I can t even begin to thank Rose O Keefe enough for the work she does at Eraserhead Press with the NBAS New Bizarro Author Series Its like a trial run for writers.new writers get a novella published 7 or so a year , and as long as they sell 200 copies of their work, they get a contract Pretty fuckin good idea, huh Okay, so moving on Muscle Memory was Steve Lowe s dry run THANK CTHULU HE MADE THE CUT If he hadn t, we wouldn t have such wonderful works such as King of the Perverts, fucking AWESOMELY awesome, by the way Mio Padre, Il Tu, and now, You are Sloth Thank you Rose, thank you flying spaghetti monster, but most of all, thank YOU, Mr Lowe, for making my reading experiences kick ass I think this is enough background info here, so let s move on although you can readabout Steve on his author page on here, and you can also check out a picture of him looking mucho debonair whilst smoking a pipe and holding some sort of fowl, perhaps a guinea, in the back of this bookI mean seriously, that picture ALONE is worth the price of the book So anyway my ADD bothering you yet , moving on to the bare bones here This story is the story of a fucking nobody And let s face it we re all nobodies here This particular nobody just so happens to turn into a, well, you guessed it, a sloth Sloths and cool author pics And you still needof a review Okay, here we go This now sloth, but still nobody, remains pretty goddamn dumbfounded over his new found slothdom and really, wouldn t we all This transformation takes place after he opens a rather enticing e mail We ve all done it, but all I get are crazy porn viruses This guy turns into a fucking sloth, complete with that creepy perma rape smile of theirs He s having trouble navigating his new found three toeness AND he has an impending deadline editing a self help book written by a total nutjob that can t write proper English On top of all this, our poor little sloth can t even chill out with a brewski cause his little sloth belly is suited for greens, not weimaraner you ll know what I mean here when you buy the book, which I just KNOW you ll do Here s where stuff gets interesting His asshole machismo filled neighbor barges in and the fun begins Time to embrace the slothness with a few ruffied up whores and a retarded neighbor this building HAS to be the coolest place to live After the fun and hi jinks end, the sleuthing begins After all, WHY is he a sloth We need answers here, people Piece by piece, the retard, the sloth, and the asshole figure out exactly what s going on HOW they pieced together CraigsList ads, zoovoyeur fags, and a mysterious Dr Evil esque madman known only as the Spammer is beyond me, but Lowe does this seamlessly Yes, the sloth squad, as these three unlikely pals become known, brave their way through inner city style sadistic dog pounds, crazy masturbating landladies, and zombie cat burglar homosexuals, all whileandpeople are turning into various types of animals Remember the self help book Sloth was editing Well, it JUST SO HAPPENED to be about one s inner power animal Are you kinda figuring out what s going on here I can t tell you the WHOLE storyI could never come close to doing as good a job as Steve in that arena, but suffice it to say, this book is a lot of fun, COMPLETELY ridiculous and bizarre, and seamlessly seamed together Win, win, and win Buy the goddamn thing But NOT until the 18th of July nothis is NOT a jokelet s help a fledging author breaks top seller listhelp a brother out, people Lastly, now that we ve got background info and synopsis outta the way, lemme tell you why I loved this book so much This relatively new genre, bizzaro, has sooooooo many authors and titles and imprints that are just downright bad Too often you get these try hards, that just want their book to be as weird and porny and cluster fucked as possible Its like they are trying to fit every sci fi scenario EVER along with every weird sexual fetish EVER with multiple totally under developed characters with the wildest deformities, abilities, and ways of thinking multiplied by a ZILLION, which most certainly DOES NOT make for a good bizarro book It makes, on the quite opposite spectrum, a work chock full of plot holes, head scratching moments of whaaaa , oh, and did I mentionSEVERELY underdeveloped characters That s why it is so goddamned fucking hard to find a good bizarro book these daysevery writer thinks they can do it cause its a new genre which isor less a mish mash of other genres, so you ve got ever shitty writer in America giving it a try, thinking their shit is just THE BEST when its fucking garbage Now that steampunk is SUPER popular, maybe everyone will start writing steampunk and leave bizarro to the masters, one of which is most certainly Mr Lowe This book kept me entertained, and wantingThere IS room for a follow up, but I m not sure if that s the plan or not I SOOOO thoroughly enjoyed Muscle Memory, King of the Perverts, and You are Sloth, that I m kicking myself in the ass for not devouring Mio Padre, Il Tu, which has been on my Kindle for quite some time now It is certainly being bumped to the upper area of my to read list, as soon as I finish a fewpromised reviews Which brings me to another point In the spirit of full disclosure, I d like to mention that my copy of this book is a PDF sent to me by the author himself Did he pay me to write a good review NO Do I have opinions of my own YES And that s what this isMY opinion on what I ve read I loved it, and I think you will too I recommend this book to anyone wanting to try something a little weird, a little out of their comfort zone, or just plain ole weird Os like myself But its not just for us freaks its very entertaining and well written Give it a try you won t be disappointed But try and do a sloth imitation for about a week and CONTINUE HAVING THE LAZY FOR ONE MORE WEEK Buy this awesome book on July 18th, I m BEGGING you I m most certainly going to, even though I have an e book sort of PDF of it now After all, that goddamn picture of Steve Lowe in the back, looking all sophisticated, coupled with the killer cover art is most definitely worth a few extra bucks After this wordy review, I m now retreating into my natural power animal state, which isyeah, you guessed it A lazy, slow moving, perverted slothlike creature that likes to lay in bed all day To the slothmobile Destination my motherfuckin bed, fools

  9. says:

    Steve Lowe has a remarkable talent to write stories that are at once grotesque, imaginative and absolutely funny, but that have a moral dimension to them too In You Are Sloth, he uses a bold style, told in a second person point of view, to tell the story of the time you click a link in a spam e mail, subject line you are sloth and find yourself transformed into a sloth.But why Why would this happen Why a sloth That is the mystery, and it s up to you and your friends , Randy maybe retarded Steve Lowe has a remarkable talent to write stories that are at once grotesque, imaginative and absolutely funny, but that have a moral dimension to them too In You Are Sloth, he uses a bold style, told in a second person point of view, to tell the story of the time you click a link in a spam e mail, subject line you are sloth and find yourself transformed into a sloth.But why Why would this happen Why a sloth That is the mystery, and it s up to you and your friends , Randy maybe retarded and Cross probably an a hole to solve it Will you find out who the deranged individual known only as The Spammer is, or why they chose to target you and turn you into a sloth Perhaps slower than usual thanks to your newfound slothiness , you will begin to unravel this mystery.Lowe is no stranger to transformations in his writing, as his debut novella Muscle Memory dealt with a similar concept, as people found they had switched bodies with their sexual partners Using that experience, Lowe effortlessly creates a world in which you can easily suspend disbelief that you have in fact become a sloth The characterisation of all the players is superb, each personality shines through in their decisions and actions, even yours slothy though it is.Of course, much like in his awesome story, King of the Perverts, Lowe is not merely telling a story that will make you giddy with laughter, dizzy with nausea and slightly bemused as you become aroused by deranged and disgusting things He also tells a story about inner strength, personal morality and friendships overcoming bizarre situations brought on by an absurd world that has some strange beliefs and objectives People look for answers in obtuse places, and Lowe recognises this, and masterfully recreates the absurdity of it all in hyperbolic regions of storytelling space.Where the previously mentioned King of the Perverts was about personal growth and morals, You Are Sloth is about self knowledge and acceptance, of course, that sensitive side is hidden beneath a layer of humour and depravity few other authors can fathom, let alone descend into Lowe has done it again and I highly recommend this work

  10. says:

    HAHAHAHAH Bizarro is pretty cool and all, but this book mixes cool and dumb and huh and smart in the best way possible It s written in the second person point of view YOU are Sloth Why second person Because fuck you is why This is Steve Lowe at his funniest You turn into a sloth, you get mixed up in some sort of moronic internet spam bizarre sex fetish plot and you re on the hunt for the broken English speaking spammer who put you in this situation But it s pretty difficult, beca HAHAHAHAH Bizarro is pretty cool and all, but this book mixes cool and dumb and huh and smart in the best way possible It s written in the second person point of view YOU are Sloth Why second person Because fuck you is why This is Steve Lowe at his funniest You turn into a sloth, you get mixed up in some sort of moronic internet spam bizarre sex fetish plot and you re on the hunt for the broken English speaking spammer who put you in this situation But it s pretty difficult, because you re a sloth Why The logic is a little fuzzy who am I kidding, it s VERY fuzzy , and you go through the thought processes trying to answer questions that are largely unanswerable You go along for the ride It s in your slothy nature The characters are cartoonish without seeming insincere The plot getsabsurd as the story progresses It s fun, it s wild, at times it s terrifying gross, but it s always, always entertaining Steve has constructed a book that shouldn t work, all things considered It probably COULDN T work, if it were left in the hands of another author What should be a gimmick is instead a crazy fun book that works so well I d imagine part of this would also come down to having Kevin Donihe on board as editor I often find myself very impressed with the books he edits and the authors he chooses to work with Steve Lowe is certainly no exception You are Sloth Buy Sloth Now

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