Read ✓ Housewife: Home-remaking in a Transgender Marriage By Kristin K. Collier – Capitalsoftworks.co.uk

Housewife: Home-remaking in a Transgender Marriage Kristin Collier And Her Husband Struggle To Decide Whether And How To Stay Together After It Becomes Apparent That He Is Transgender As Her Husband Transitions To Live The Rest Of His Life As A Woman, Collier Leans Into Her Garden, Community, And New Romantic Interests While She Transforms In Her Own Right, Evolving As A Woman, Mother, And Housewife With Honesty, Humor, And Grounded In Her Practice Of Compassionate Communication, Collier Redefines Homemaking As She And Her Former Husband Continue To Live And Parent As Partners In The Same Household Housewife Is An Exceptionally Rare Personal Account Of A Partner S Response To Gender Transition Including Poetry, Blog Posts, And Four Pictures From Before And After Transition, Collier Tells Her Story From The Perspective Of A Woman And Mother As Her Family Breaks Out Of The Box

10 thoughts on “Housewife: Home-remaking in a Transgender Marriage

  1. says:

    In a lot of ways this was a hard read.Part of it is simply that as a queer person it s difficult to hear the ways people, including Collier herself, invalidated her spouse Seda throughout the course of the book A lot of it is the same arguments you hear everywhere You were socialized as a man You don t fall into this narrow definition of womanhood where you are a caretaker at your own expense, so obviously you can t be a woman But what s happened has happened, and I appreciate the braver In a lot of ways this was a hard read.Part of it is simply that as a queer person it s difficult to hear the ways people, including Collier herself, invalidated her spouse Seda throughout the course of the book A lot of it is the same arguments you hear everywhere You were socialized as a man You don t fall into this narrow definition of womanhood where you are a caretaker at your own expense, so obviously you can t be a woman But what s happened has happened, and I appreciate the bravery Collier has in admitting her behavior.Part of it is that this book is really dated I was shocked to find it just came out in 2016, because so much of the language and how it is used runs counter to how I ve seen it used In a way I suppose this makes sense, since Collier herself is a heterosexual cis woman In a few places the word transexual is used, which, okay, if that s how Seda identifies and she doesn t mind that being used as the descriptor,power to her There are plenty of older trans folk who still use that in place of transgender But that s another thing Transgender is all one word, where trans on its own is an adjective So if I wanted to specify that Seda is a trans woman, the two words would be separated This isn t the case here in the book There s also the issue that at one point there is a footnote that says something to the effect of gen xers and millenials were the first to use queer in a positive, reclaimed light, which I don t think is really true Queer was a fairly neutral word before it was a slur and later reclaimed, and arguably the most famous queer writer as in, I will fight you over it , Leslie Feinberg, was a baby boomer.One thing I did find very interesting about the book is the description of how Collier and Seda s relationship changed over the years I ve long identified as aromantic and asexual I m neither romantically or sexually attracted to anybody and to me, their relationship strikes me as a good example of what a queerplatonic relationship could look like They aren t necessarily romantically or sexually linked, but they raise their children together, they live together and share housework, and they seem to bethan simply friends It honestly makes me hopeful

  2. says:

    When Kristin Collier s husband comes out as trans, they both have questions about what it means for their marriage Will they stay together How will the children react Housewife explores the changing dynamics of a family It explores Collier s reaction to those changes and the effect it has on her as a woman Who is she now that she has a wife A lot of the language around trans people e.g., transsexual, FTM and MTF felt outdated and jarring to me I don t whether this is because of differen When Kristin Collier s husband comes out as trans, they both have questions about what it means for their marriage Will they stay together How will the children react Housewife explores the changing dynamics of a family It explores Collier s reaction to those changes and the effect it has on her as a woman Who is she now that she has a wife A lot of the language around trans people e.g., transsexual, FTM and MTF felt outdated and jarring to me I don t whether this is because of differences in how trans issues are discussed in the US vs Europe or the US vs Ireland Maybe it s a personal preference of Collier and her family I m not sure, but as the memoir progressed these terms appeared less often and trans and transgender took their place Maybe these words are an indication of the time these events took place, the time of Yahoo groups Maybe the choice of words show how far Collier s knowledge had come throughout this experience Maybe it s a combination of all these things This did occupy my mind for a significant portion of the book It made going with the flow of the story difficult It pulled me out of moments and made it difficult to step back in to them It played a large part in my frustration with the book I admire Collier s candour and her willingness to share the complicated, confusing and oftentimes painful moments Housewife may help spouses of trans people, in the way that Collier couldn t find books that helped her through the journey This is why she wrote it, to help others But as a cisgender woman, who isn t in this situation, I found it a frustrating read I wanted to hear from Seda, I wanted to be reading Seda s memoir I received an Advance Reader Copy eARC via Netgalley

  3. says:

    The book was ok, but too many literary and artistic side trails I think I was mostly disappointed by the subject matter as a cis woman with a trans partner myself, I was hoping to read a story of hope and support Instead I read a story about a housewife who leached off of and benefited from her trans partner while abandoning their romantic relationship for a series of side trysts, all while pretending she was supportive and heroic for staying legally married I feel like Seda s voice wasn The book was ok, but too many literary and artistic side trails I think I was mostly disappointed by the subject matter as a cis woman with a trans partner myself, I was hoping to read a story of hope and support Instead I read a story about a housewife who leached off of and benefited from her trans partner while abandoning their romantic relationship for a series of side trysts, all while pretending she was supportive and heroic for staying legally married I feel like Seda s voice wasn t heard, and trans voices are so important and need to be heard right now I didn t know how she felt about her partner s exploitation of their situation, and I wished her perspective had shone through

  4. says:

    When Kristin Collier s husband revealed to her that he suffered what medical jargon names as gender dysphoria, she and he and the kids went to the library and came back with books on dinosaurs, bugs, castles and transsexuals Included in their haul was at least one good memoir detailing the experience of transitioning, but no account of what the experience might be like for a gender changer s spouse A Yahoo Groups forum for old partners of newly transitioning folks eventually provided a com When Kristin Collier s husband revealed to her that he suffered what medical jargon names as gender dysphoria, she and he and the kids went to the library and came back with books on dinosaurs, bugs, castles and transsexuals Included in their haul was at least one good memoir detailing the experience of transitioning, but no account of what the experience might be like for a gender changer s spouse A Yahoo Groups forum for old partners of newly transitioning folks eventually provided a common ground where she could learn, explore, and exchange After a certain point, though, she felt called to take into account her own circumstances and map out the winding path to truth as she had come to know it I have attempted to write the book, she says, as heart opening memoirs often do, that I was longing for at that time It s a boots on the ground odyssey through norms, expectations, inner experience the phases and nuances of coming to terms with one s own changes when the acknowledged inner truth of a loved one changes radically Her prose is at once straight forward and evocative The cast of characters that pass through her kitchen in the progressive college town where she lives are recognizable, and yet singular Each is given the dignity of his or her own life, and understanding of that life As a spoiler her former husband transitions successfully, they continue to live under the same roof with their two kids, and they become parenting partners These facts, though, are just the book s skeleton Its flesh and blood is the narrative of uncertainty, and of the acceptance of uncertainty, that she works through as she learns to stay in close and trusting relationship with her parenting partner while exploring her need for community and testing her hope for romantic intimacy.Quite sufficient, but never excessive, details are provided about both the changes in her sexual relationship with her parenting partner, as well as her exploration of the unsought freedom that comes to her after they agree to stop sharing a bed I thought it was in these details that her book achieved its most artful transparency The courage and skill with which she laid bare, discretely, but with some completeness, both the inner landscapes and outer circumstances of her new relationships took my breath away It occurs to me that perhaps her candor was inspired by her parenting partner Seda s coming out as female identified Because Kristin, in effect, outs herself as cis gendered She writes of her experience of femininity, of what she wanted in a relationship, what she got, and what the differences were and what they might mean She owns her desires, ponders them, experiments with them Her descriptions of the men in her life achieve an even handed vulnerability that give the sometimes loose narrative of the second part a potent charm.One gets the impression that from an early age and by necessity she was self reliant, but that in her attempt to nurture fresh love that she can integrate into her existing family structure she achieved a remarkably clear vision of who she is in relation to all that she desires

  5. says:

    Reviewed for Foreword Books IndieFab Awards.About half of this book was great and relevant and interesting and useful About half of this book was superfluous at best butlikely detracting The first half of the book well, after we got through the completely irrelevant part about the birth of her child was very enlightening about how someone lives with a spouse who is going through a transition However, the second half of the book, about her dating other men and the polyamorous situation Reviewed for Foreword Books IndieFab Awards.About half of this book was great and relevant and interesting and useful About half of this book was superfluous at best butlikely detracting The first half of the book well, after we got through the completely irrelevant part about the birth of her child was very enlightening about how someone lives with a spouse who is going through a transition However, the second half of the book, about her dating other men and the polyamorous situations that arose really didn t contribute to the book, or to the important story she was trying to tell Cutting the book to about half its current length would make it so much stronger and better, but even with that critique, it s a great book that can help answer some important questions about transgendered people, including some that you always wanted to ask but know are inappropriate

  6. says:

    We ve been fortunate in the past few years to have some courageous transgender folks write and publish books about their experiences It has been nothing short of shocking and enlightening But has anyone written about the partners or spouses and what they go through Did we ever even think about this Along comes Housewife home remaking in a transgender marriage, by Kristin Collier, an honest and authentic first hand account of what it s like transitioning through genders from the perspective We ve been fortunate in the past few years to have some courageous transgender folks write and publish books about their experiences It has been nothing short of shocking and enlightening But has anyone written about the partners or spouses and what they go through Did we ever even think about this Along comes Housewife home remaking in a transgender marriage, by Kristin Collier, an honest and authentic first hand account of what it s like transitioning through genders from the perspective of the spouse Kristen brings us smack into a gender awareness that most of us take for granted Women don t generally question why we like feeling the swish of a skirt on our legs, how we keep mascara from gumming up, or the reason one color looks better on us than another Imagine if your husband suddenly started asking for tips about these things This book takes us through the pain of losing a husband and father while still feeling so much love and connection to this person Kristen explores what happens to her family while her husband is transitioning from male to female Her identity as a wife, mother, and lover comes into question because our family could be on the brink of extinction They not only survive, but thrive This is hard stuff, and Kristin takes us right into the center of it It s hard to read sometimes because the pain of the situation is tangible and she holds nothing back But it s worth the journey to see how even the most extreme difficulties can be overcome with honesty, patience, and most importantly, love

  7. says:

    This is a wonderful read At times heartbreaking, at times poignant, funny, painful, delightful, soul searching Collier lays herself bare and her raw honesty is so engaging Begs the question, what would you do if the man you thought you knew so well turned out to be someone you didn t know at all I fear I would not be as accepting as Kristin was however rocky the road was, she has arrived at acceptance and her family is all the stronger for it.

  8. says:

    I really appreciated Collier s candor and how she tried to always keep her communication compassionate with all the people she interacted with including herself The honesty of this book is inspiring and I lovelovelove the relationship she has with Seda.

  9. says:

    What I loved most about the book was the author s vulnerability This is not a book about being loving and accepting and optimistic no matter what life throws your way a husband who believes he s a woman, for example , but about navigating life s ups and downs with bravery It s about how to be a mother when your personal life is falling apart It s about how to embrace your loved ones for who they really are not who you wish they were.A truly incredible, real story that so many people will b What I loved most about the book was the author s vulnerability This is not a book about being loving and accepting and optimistic no matter what life throws your way a husband who believes he s a woman, for example , but about navigating life s ups and downs with bravery It s about how to be a mother when your personal life is falling apart It s about how to embrace your loved ones for who they really are not who you wish they were.A truly incredible, real story that so many people will be able to relate to I absolutely loved it

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